Weary

(*I feel a bit of a whine coming on, and it probably won't be pretty. If you'd like to exit the conversation at this point, I'd understand.)

The last few days have been a bit trying. After some reflection, I realize that most of the things that have happened are a result of my Ignorance in the City. Unfortunately, admitting that I'm ignorant doesn't make me feel any better. Especially when I'd like to imagine myself as Savvy in the City or perhaps Sophisticated in the City.

As exciting as this journey is, as beautiful, as powerful as the evidence of God's hand has been,

It still isn't easy.

I never expected it to be easy.

Even so, I'd like to share some of the events of the past few days that have led to my weariness.

• On Sunday morning, after waiting 20 minutes in sweltering subway station heat, Steve and I decided that the 1 train was never coming and hopped on the 2 train. "They both go north," we thought, "how far off could it be?" The answer to that is, very far. We emerged in the exact middle of Harlem and speed walked the mile or so to the church (no cabs in the middle of Harlem on a sunny Sunday morning). We were 15 minutes late to the service and I had blisters the size of dimes on my feet. You can imagine the worshipful mindset with which we arrived.
• Jonathan peed on me in the grocery store, as it turns out that bathrooms there are for employees only. The argument, "But he's going to pee his pants!" carries no weight.
• I was scolded this morning on the bus by a crabby old lady. This is because I was so busy looking out the window to find our stop that I didn't make the kids move quickly enough to make room for another elderly woman. When I did make them move, the kids both cried and wailed like the tired, hungry kids that they were. And the whole situation made me mad (understatement).
• I paid $7 tonight so the kids could get each get a small Tastee Delight ice cream (If you know your Seinfeld, there was an episode once where they spoofed this place- Kramer spilled some into the mayor's blood sample and his cholesteral results were all wacko). Before they could finish a third of it, Chloe said she had to go to the bathroom and couldn't hold it until we got home (see a bathroom theme, here?). We had to go into a Chinese restaurant where the bathrooms were so gross that I couldn't, in good conscience, let the kids finish their ice cream after it'd been in that space.

I know all these things are small, but when they are settled on the shoulders of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, they weigh much.

Thanks for sharing in my weariness for this moment.

I'll feel better in the morning.